Rediscovering a passion close to my heart
So, it's been a while since I’ve picked up a book, and by a while I mean
3 years.
I often ask myself why I shelved a hobby that was so precious to me, and I always come up with the same tired excuses; life is too full, work is too busy and other menial things get in the way. So, I finally decided to make time and I can’t say it has been easy (at all).
Surprisingly (and also unsurprisingly) it has been incredibly difficult. Not only redeveloping the habit of picking up a book rather than aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, but also the physical act of reading itself. Suddenly, reading merely a chapter induces fierce headaches or puts me straight to sleep (how did I read for 5 hours at a time all those years ago?).
But I wasn’t going to let this stop me. I decided to challenge myself to a chapter a day. That sounds easy enough right? Well... it wasn’t. Sure, it started off great. I had a couple of quiet weekends to read a few extra chapters to make up for busy weekdays. However, it didn’t take long before the weekends became just as busy, and gradually the book on my bedside table became dustier and dustier.
I mean sure... probably shouldn’t have picked up a 1000-page tome for my first attempt at jumping back on the horse, but I have been wanting to read The Name of the Wind for (now, quite literally) years.
I often ask myself why I shelved a hobby that was so precious to me, and I always come up with the same tired excuses; life is too full, work is too busy and other menial things get in the way. So, I finally decided to make time and I can’t say it has been easy (at all).
Surprisingly (and also unsurprisingly) it has been incredibly difficult. Not only redeveloping the habit of picking up a book rather than aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, but also the physical act of reading itself. Suddenly, reading merely a chapter induces fierce headaches or puts me straight to sleep (how did I read for 5 hours at a time all those years ago?).
But I wasn’t going to let this stop me. I decided to challenge myself to a chapter a day. That sounds easy enough right? Well... it wasn’t. Sure, it started off great. I had a couple of quiet weekends to read a few extra chapters to make up for busy weekdays. However, it didn’t take long before the weekends became just as busy, and gradually the book on my bedside table became dustier and dustier.
I mean sure... probably shouldn’t have picked up a 1000-page tome for my first attempt at jumping back on the horse, but I have been wanting to read The Name of the Wind for (now, quite literally) years.
At this point, you might be thinking “you’ve just picked up the wrong
book for your mood” or “maybe you just aren’t enjoying that book, try
something else” and truth is, I contemplated this myself. I even tried
putting the novel aside and switching to an easier YA read from a series I am
familiar with. But here is where the next issue decided to present itself...
guilt, or as I have started to call it, mononarrativitus.
You’re probably thinking “how ridiculous, that’s not a real word” and well... you’re right, but it’s how I have taken to describing this predicament I find myself in. I’m sure I’m not alone (or awkwardly, maybe I am), but I find myself unable to pick up a second book whilst the one I am currently reading remains unfinished. I just can’t do it. And I have tried, oh boy have I tried. Perhaps I get too attached to the characters and their world and feel like I'm (for lack of a better word) cheating? Or maybe it is some bookish variation of OCD.
So, my chapter a day challenge clearly was not working and sadly, I can’t quit my job or evade life duties, so what is plan B? Revitalising my blog to motivate and inspire me to push through the perils of getting back into it? Or do I amend the challenge to say, 3 chapters a week?
Or perhaps plan B needs to be that there is no plan B. No challenge. No solid goal. No pressure. Just do what I can, when I can. There is no use beating myself up about failing or falling behind. I just need some time to find a way to fit reading back into my life. Baby steps. I need to accept that I don’t have as much time as I used to and that’s okay.
So here I go, jumping headfirst into plan B… or lack of plan B? Wish me luck. Hopefully, I will be back with another post soon (ish, no pressure, remember).
You’re probably thinking “how ridiculous, that’s not a real word” and well... you’re right, but it’s how I have taken to describing this predicament I find myself in. I’m sure I’m not alone (or awkwardly, maybe I am), but I find myself unable to pick up a second book whilst the one I am currently reading remains unfinished. I just can’t do it. And I have tried, oh boy have I tried. Perhaps I get too attached to the characters and their world and feel like I'm (for lack of a better word) cheating? Or maybe it is some bookish variation of OCD.
So, my chapter a day challenge clearly was not working and sadly, I can’t quit my job or evade life duties, so what is plan B? Revitalising my blog to motivate and inspire me to push through the perils of getting back into it? Or do I amend the challenge to say, 3 chapters a week?
Or perhaps plan B needs to be that there is no plan B. No challenge. No solid goal. No pressure. Just do what I can, when I can. There is no use beating myself up about failing or falling behind. I just need some time to find a way to fit reading back into my life. Baby steps. I need to accept that I don’t have as much time as I used to and that’s okay.
So here I go, jumping headfirst into plan B… or lack of plan B? Wish me luck. Hopefully, I will be back with another post soon (ish, no pressure, remember).
~*~
NB: I wrote this
post 12 months ago whilst I was in the midst of rediscovering a passion that I
missed dearly, and for some reason, I didn’t post it. I guess, deep down I know
why, fear. Fear that it wouldn’t stick, fear of holding myself accountable,
fear of self-induced pressure to be reading copious amounts that I wasn’t ready
for, and sadly, no longer have the lifestyle for. So why am I posting this now?
Because I did it! After years off a horse I thought I’d never be able to get back up on (I really do need to find a new analogy) I did it! I got back on the horse and am now cantering through the wind. I said good-bye to silly rules, to pressure, to nonsense reading guilt and just read what I could when I could, no matter how little that was. And before long, reading became a daily part of my routine again, and I finally feel like I have found that part of me that was missing.
Because I did it! After years off a horse I thought I’d never be able to get back up on (I really do need to find a new analogy) I did it! I got back on the horse and am now cantering through the wind. I said good-bye to silly rules, to pressure, to nonsense reading guilt and just read what I could when I could, no matter how little that was. And before long, reading became a daily part of my routine again, and I finally feel like I have found that part of me that was missing.
~*~
If you happen to have stumbled across this post, let me know if you have
ever experienced any of these bookish problems, and of course, your tips on how
you overcame them.
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